Make Of It What You Can
by OrigamiGirl
Summary: Kartik/Gemma - This is the world we live in Gemma, for better or for worse - Complete


Hi! This is my first fic for the Great And Terrible Beauty series so please be nice. Also, A Great And Terrible Beauty does not belong to me. It belongs to Libba Bray.

Warning: TSFT spoilers!!! Please don't read if you haven't read TSFT!!!

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I lay my head on my pillow, snuggling under the sheets, and I immediately fall asleep When I dream I find myself in the old Spence uniform. A room starts to form around me and, slowly, it becomes the room that I shared with Ann all those years ago. I have not seen this room for such a long time and I find I have missed it dearly. I find that I have even missed the stiff uniform that I so dreaded when I was younger. I haven't seen these things in ages. 

I walk to the small window and it reveals a bright sunny day with several young girls outside playing lawn tennis on the grass. It is like I have never left. I look towards the woods that still stand tall and beautiful. Suddenly I feel like something is pulling me there. Without a thought, I turn and leave my old room, traveling through the halls of Spence until I am outside on the lawn.

Outside, I smell the strong scent of rain. A storm is coming, and no longer is the day is bright. I can see dark clouds rolling in from the west. The girls are no longer playing. Instead, their racquets lay abandoned on the ground. Where they have gone off too, I have no clue. I ignore these things. All that I care about is the draw from the forest. I follow my feet, letting them guide me into and through the woods.

Soon I can see the familiar outline of the tents of the gypsy camp through the trees. I try to soften my steps, so not to alert the dogs that are always on guard, but it seems I have no need to worry. There is no one here. No dogs chewing on sticks, or children playing. No women washing clothes or men talking. It's like the camp is abandoned. I walk through it, calling out for anyone, but no one comes. I come to a familiar tent on the edge of camp. It is one that I know well. Just the sight of it brings tears to my eyes.

It's his tent. Kartik's.

I walk closer to and reach for the flap, and I open it. I would be lying if I didn't say that I was half expecting him to be in there, sleeping. For him to wake up, and see me, a smiling lighting his beautiful face. For him to take me in his arms, and tell me that these last years with him being gone has just been a long frightful dream. But he is not there. There is nothing in the tent. Absolutely nothing.

I fall to the ground in a very unladylike manor, but I could care less. Tears start to cascade down my cheeks, and I can't hold them in. He's gone. Has been for years now, and will always be. With the thought, I break down now, hitting the ground with my fist.

"Gemma?" I hear a voice ask.

My heart stops when I hear the voice. I know it so well. It's his voice. I turn to face where it has come from, and there he is, standing there like he has never been gone. I stagger to my feet, my eyes as wide as saucers. I'm afraid to approach him. Afraid to touch him because I fear he might fade away.

"Kartik?" I manage to choke out.

He smiles at me. It's the same smile that always makes my heart flutter, and I run over to him, hugging him like my life depended on it. He hugs me back then pushes me back a little so I can look up at his face. "Don't cry," he tells me softly, and he kisses away each of my tears away. I try not to and soon I am only sniffling.

I bury my head against his chest. He smells just like he always did. If I could, I would bottle that smell and treasure it forever. "I've missed you so much," I tell him.

"I'm here," he tells me, putting his hand to my heart. "I will always be here." I feel him kiss my head gently. "It's time for you to wake up," he says suddenly. There is a crack of thunder and the rain starts to fall, drenching us.

"W-what?" I ask, looking up confused.

He steps away from me now, a sad smile gracing his lips. "Wake up Gemma," he says, and slowly he starts to fade away.

"No," I scream. "Don't go. Please don't go!" My words don't stop him from fading away, and now my tears poor over again in a fresh wave and there are several more booms of thunder.

"Gemma!" I hear. "It's time to wake up." Only this time, it is not his voice, but a females. My eyelids flutter open, and I see Felicity standing over me, shaking me awake.

"I'm up," I tell her.

"Sorry to wake you," she says. "But you were crying and you had me worried so I woke you up." I touch my cheeks and indeed, I am. "What's wrong?" she asks.

"Nothing." I tell her. "Just a dream."

"Well then, get up," she tells me. "Don't you remember, we are to see Ann's play tonight."

"Right," I say, sitting up. Tonight we are to go and see Ann. She is in a new play and they are performing tonight in a famous theatre in Paris.

She leaves me to change, and I dry my tears. Five years have passed since Kartik's death, and not a day goes by that I don't think about him or dream about him. I am twenty-one now. I have been to America and back. I have studied hard at the university, and I have learned much.

Right now, I am visiting Felicity. She lives in Paris, and she has settled down in a small house, but still a grand one. She doesn't let anyone but her run her life, and she also wear men's trousers now instead of dresses and corsets. Felicity has fulfilled her dream, just like she had said she would. She is free. She has even become an artist's model too. Sure people gossip about her, but she could care less for she is happy and I am happy for her.

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Ann plays the lead, and she does a perfect job at it. "Not even Lily Trimble could have done such a good job," I tell her after the play when we are sitting backstage with her in her small dressing room.

"You were wonderful," Felicity tells her.

Ann looks down at her lap, blushing. Even though she is now a big star and we are older, she is still the Ann I remember. "I wasn't that good," she says.

"You were!" confirms Charlie, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. They married a couple years ago. Sadly, I couldn't go to the wedding because of my studies at the university in America, but Ann described every detail in a letter she sent me. Ann has also found the ending she had wanted so bad. I watch as Ann talks with Charlie and how he teases her. The look so happy together. I feel a sting in my heart for that is what I want. What I want with Kartik but shall never have. I push the sad feeling away. This is to be a happy night, not a sad one.

"Charlie," Ann says. "Can I have a moment alone with my friends? We have so much to catch up on." Charlie excuses himself, and now it's just the three of us. "I've missed you both dearly," Ann tells us. We tell her that we have missed he so much too.

"Well Gemma," Felicity says suddenly. "Shall we travel into the realms?"

A large smile brightens Ann's face. "Yes to the realms!" she says, giggling. "We haven't been in so long."

"To the realms," I agree.

We join hands and soon the familiar tingling starts. The door of light appears and we rush through it, eager for our adventure. The garden is as beautiful as ever. It takes my breath away. Ann and Felicity run through it, already playing with the magic, but I just stand there, taking it all in.

I have not been here since I left for America. I though it was just to sad a place to come with all that I have experienced here, and I did consider never coming back. Now, as I look around, I wonder how I could ever had had those thoughts. It's just too beautiful.

"I have not seen you in a long time Most High," I hear a slithery voice say.

"Gorgon!" I say happily, turning to see her standing behind me. I find that I have missed her so much too. "How have you been."

"Well. And you Most High?"

"Very well too," I say. We watch my friends playing in the garden. Suddenly, I have an idea. "Gorgon, will you take me to the borderlands?"

She nods and says, "As you wish."

I tell Ann and Felicity that I shall be back soon, and then I follow Gorgon to the boat. She takes me to where I wish to go, and tells me that she will be waiting for my return. I thank her, telling her that I will be back shortly, and then I am off; through the borderlands into the winterlands until I come to the Tree Of All Souls. It stands there, tall and mighty, just as beautiful as I remember.

I walk up to it and hug it like I did last time, and once again I feel the beating of the heart that is inside it. I sit down, leaning against it, and I begin to tell my tale of what my life has been like since he has been gone. I tell him about my time at the university, about Felicity and Ann, and about my plans for the future. I would like to believe that he can hear it. That Kartik is listening to me, and by the time I am done, I feel the tears start to fall from my eyes. Where they fall on the ground, tiny flowers sprout up. "I miss you so much," I say. "I wish you were here with me, and that we could stay together forever."

I let everything poor out of me, and when I'm done, I sit there for a few moments. The wind blows and I hear the faint sound of the words _Gem-ma._ I stand up, and face the tree. I hug it one more time. "I shall be back to visit soon," I say. And I will. I will no longer avoid this place.

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When I come back to the gardens with Gorgon, Felicity and Ann are still playing with the magic. "Gemma!" Felicity shouts, running up to me and grabbing my hands. "Come play have fun with us."

And I do, leaving Gorgon's side to join my friends. I enjoy myself. I have missed my friends so much and I wish for the night to never end. It's just too much fun. And I realize, that I feel truly happy. I haven't felt so happy in a long time. And I know that today a new me is born. After we are done playing here, I will go back to our world with a fierce determination to lead my life and have a happy ending just like Ann and Felicity. I know sadly that Kartik will not be apart of it. He really was my true love, but I have to live my life to the fullest. I will work hard at everything I do for him and me. I don't want his sacrifice to be for nothing. I will make most of my life.

I am reminded of something Karitk said to me ages ago in the small chapel at Spence. "This is the world we live in Gemma, for better or for worse," he told me. "Make of it what you can."

"I will," I say out loud.

"You'll what?" Ann asks, curious.

"Nothing," I tell her, and then we are back to playing, living the lives that we want.

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Please Review! 

And I don't know about you, but I was so sad when Kartik died at the end of the book. I actually cried. I wish he and Gemma could of ended up happy, but I'll admit the ending was fitting.


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